I’ve found myself in an interesting place this week, giving advice on solidarity and rising above our tribulations to a group of young women. There are times when I feel a wave of injustice, despair, stress or discontent wash over me and I have to decide, am I going to allow these feelings to dictate my actions and beliefs? Now you might be asking what in the world does this have to do with home decorating? Let me explain.
Women are amazing creatures. We are very intuitive and are masters of communication. I think that a majority of you all will agree that men absolutely suck at this. WE know how to communicate our displeasure with the slightest expression.
We are all guilty of “The Look”.
You know exactly what I’m talking about…the look that stops our children in their tracks. The silent look we give telling our husbands to back off. It’s the pursed lips, the slightly arched eyebrows, the widened-deer in the head lights-eyes, the “blink- blink” blank stare, the slow, exasperated sigh. Webster defined it as: “The Look: To express a sentiment of displeasure or disagreement with the slightest of facial movements.” (ok, not really, but he would’ve!).
I need to confess something.
I’ve been really struggling with comparison and discontent. I mean come on, just look at all these amazingly talented home & design bloggers out there! They are all so chic and stylish. They are amazing writers, photographers, designers, and seem to have endless supplies of money and connections. They are organized and their homes are immaculate. The “Jones” have new furniture, drapes, rugs, accessories, not to mention oodles of creative genius. They seem to have it all.
How could I possibly compete?
My house looks like a tornado hit it 90% of the time. I often scream at my kids. The kitchen floor has not been mopped in over a year (no joke). I can barely keep up with the laundry. It’s 5:00 and I have no clue what I’m making for dinner. What the heck is that growing in the back of my refrigerator?! I really could be a better friend, daughter, and sister. I’m not a great wife. My house doesn’t look like the magazines.
I’m not Superwoman.
If any of those statements ring true with you then know…
you are not alone.
You know what is so damaging about these feelings? These women are my friends. We are always comparing ourselves to each other and judging each other’s achievements, riches, and blessings. It needs to stop. I need to stop. Each one of us have been given different gifts by our Creator and we should celebrate those gifts and not be envious of others or be constantly comparing ourselves to them. What would happen if we as women, decided to embrace and encourage the women surrounding us? What would happen if we joined together and united in a purposeful decision to build each other up, to develop each other’s talents and gifts, to love and not judge?
What would happen?
Could your simple compliment, comment of encouragement, show of support, or selfless action, actually change a person’s life? Absolutely. A woman’s tongue can easily tear down and destroy, or just as easily build someone up and help them soar.
We all want to soar.
“It’s about girl power”.
I knew the moment those words, “girl power”, left my mouth that this group of young women I was speaking to would silently and invisibly roll their eyes and possibly tune out, but the words rang true. When girls or women set aside their own petty or selfish views and unite together then powerful and amazing things happen! The very next day I watched these young women do just that. They selflessly came together, with more camaraderie, encouragement, and joy for each other than any of us had seen before. It was beautiful and honestly, a personal conviction of how negative my thought processes have been and how they should be.
It was time to practice what I preached.
I want to encourage you, my wonderful readers, when you walk into your friend’s beautiful home, or when you read the home blogs, or see some gorgeous picture on Pinterest, to not allow that twinge of jealous bitterness to grab hold of your mind, but to simply be inspired and appreciate and even encourage the talents that person possesses. Because YOU also hold so many talents and blessings.
Kim
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AWESOME post. Thanks for being real.
And my floor needs to be mopped, too. 🙂
You’re welcome. Maybe I’ll mop mine this week! Or not. 😉
LOL and mine needs mopping to! Always something to do and if we allow it, it can sure be overwhelming to us. This was a GOOD post. First time I’ve seen your blog but it IS in my favorites now! Yes thanx for being honest and transparent!
Such an encouragement to read. I get sucked into those feelings every time I walk into someone else’s better-decorated house. I, too, only mop my kitchen floors once (maybe twice) a year 🙂
Twice a year? You’re doing better than I am for sure! Kuddos girl!! 😉
I am so guilty of this. I have to remember I’m in a different situation and I am doing the best I can with what I have. Being envious only breeds bitterness and discontent, just like you said. You are so right – when we band together and lift each other up, the whole becomes more than the sum of its parts. And you don’t want to see my kitchen floor. 🙂
Thanks Jeanne!
That was beautifully written!
Thanks Mel!
How refreshing to hear another claim she is not perfect!! I try to live up to what I see online (decorating, parenting, marriage)and what I experience in life through my family and friends lives and you’re right…. everyone’s circumstances are different and as Jeanne just said, we must do the best with what we have and the situation we are currently in. As women, we should support our fellow women and encourage them to live each day fully and do the best that we can. Kim, I look at your blog posts and always sit in here in awe and sometimes jealousy because I wish my home looked like yours. I have taken some of your designs and incorporated them into my home but not nearly as wonderfully as you. I do not possess the talents you have but I work with what I have and what my budget will allow. It is a process and one day I hope to have a home that was inspired by your talents!! Thank you for this blog post!
Shannon~
Oh, I’m so far from perfect is pathetic! What a great comment! Thank you for your insight and compliments. They are appreciated!
Well said….very encouraging, thank you for this reminder!
🙂
Great post and a wonderful reminder that we should look with grateful eyes at what we do have and not with what we don’t. I personally think the planning, waiting and DIY is much more fun and exciting than if I had the money to do anything I wanted right now. I love learning from your blog and others…your strengths in decorating encourages mine!
I agree about DIY-ing for sure! Thank you for the nice compliment too!
Great post…as a new blogger myself – I struggle with this daily…am I really blogging for myself or someone else…does it really matter if right now I only have 2 followers…my kitchen floor hasn’t been scrubbed in almost a year too, but that’s because its not an entry point for our home and once inside the house no one has their shoes on bringing mud and other stuff into..and yes it gets swept on a daily basis and wet-swiffered if something gets spilled…but no it hasn’t been scrubbed in about a year…we really do need to give ourselves a break and learn to enjoy what we have each and everyday – thanks!
Cheryl @ The Creative Me and My McG
Dirty floored Bloggers unite! 😉 No really, thank you for the sweet comment.
Can I share your words on my blog?
http://2012-13theyearoflivingintentionally.blogspot.ca
Courtney, Thank you and I’m very flattered that you want to share my words. You may certainly mention the post and link to it and use one picture, but my copyright policy does not allow any portion to be copied. Thank you so much for understanding. 🙂
Not a problem.
WOW I really needed this today. I have the very horrible habit of comparing myself to these awesome blogs I see out there. Makes me feel better to know I am not the only one!
We are creatures of comparison Jamie, don’t feel bad. I’m just as guilty as the next person. Thank you for following along and taking the time to comment.
I think deep down, we know we want to live this way, but sometimes get off track. It’s nice to have a little “adjustment” now and then so we can be the women we want to be! Gracious and encouraging. Always.
PS-the floor mopping does not rate high at my house either Kim 😉
Shannon, you are the QUEEN of Encouragement. I see how you genuinely lift other women and other bloggers up every single day. You are so right, we do get sidetracked and a helpful correction is needed for all of us. Hugs my friend!!! 🙂
Kim…I couldn’t agree more! Shannon has been such a ray of warmth towards my little blog! Big HUG! And as for this post, AMAZING!!! Thanks for putting such a great message out into the blogosphere. We all struggle with the same feelings, and it’s so important to have constant reminders to uplift and relish in the talents of others, and learn from their successes….sometimes it takes more effort to get to that place where jealousy subsides, but genuine friendships with intelligent women are so hard to come by and take cultivation! And just so you know, there are legions of us out there who think YOU have it all! Oh, and I don’t even have a mop. And that is straight up sinful. Hugs! 🙂
I love this Kim! I felt like this months ago, but the minute I decided to be as happy for myself as I was envious of others, things changed inside of me. I love saying nice things to others and encouraging them, but I also remember to say nice things to myself as well now. Wellllll said!
I don’t give “the look” – oh no, mine’s worse. My friends call it “The Nun Voice” and when THAT voice comes out of me….get away as fast as you can. LOL My husband now uses that term too…and I’m glad there IS a term for it, so they can call me on it when I don’t realize that it’s coming out!
I love sharing in others’ successes, knowing what goes around comes around, so spreading joy will just come back my way! It may make a detour or two…but eventually it finds me! Great post, and I hate mopping!
Awesome post. Thank you for the great reminder. Because even those of us who don’t think we do it ( I’m for sure not included in that!) do it. I went through a period like that about blogging. Why wasn’t my blog growing as fast as others ( or picked for this promotion or # of followers or insert blog envy item here)and then really had to sit back and tell myself “Self, knock it off. You started blogging for fun and not competition”. We women put so much pressure on ourselves and I’m learning (slowly) how to break that cycle!
I love this!! I am so with you!! I work outside the home and let me tell you the last thing I want to do is clean my house!! I was mortified when a “Bigger Blogger’s” team member was in my home and it too looked like a bomb dropped on it!yes I was mortified but honestly I am running 500 miles an hour with my hair on fire and if she wanted to judge me (which I am pretty sure she didn’t) then there is nothing I can do. But more importantly I was elated she was there and we had a wonderful chat!! Do I compare myself to others Blogs and opportunities I confess I do. It is difficult! The one thing I have run into lately is the disapproval of working with certain brands or that a company isn’t offering enough compensation and how that is hurting other bloggers as a small blog I carefully weigh all my offers and sometimes the monetary value is not big but the other perks of the offer can far outweigh any amount of money. Sorry to ramble!! We all relate to your post!! Thank you!!
Great post, Kim!! I’ve been struggling a lot with my blog lately and looking at how I spend my time on it and how much I make vs. what I am getting done at home, how much I am doing with my kids, etc. It’s pretty convicting. :s The blogosphere makes it so easy to believe that Suzie Blogger lives in a beautiful bubble world of perfection b/c Suzie Blogger (like many of us) is just good at cropping pics and showing the good stuff. I know I can’t compete with bloggers who have big connections, make more money, and are more talented. So I’m not anymore. I’m doing projects that I am able to, as I am able to afford to do them. I’m accepting campaigns that I WANT to be a part of, not b/c I think I should. And I’m not going to worry about pageviews and stats as much as I used to. It’s just not worth it anymore with all the other blogs out there. I’d rather be impressed and inspired by your talent than envious of it!!
This was just what I needed to read today. I picked up BHG Christmas edition yesterday and flipping through noticed TWO bloggers (who I both love to death) with several page features. They both are bloggers who inspire me but I also have envy about their homes and successes. And then I think ‘wow am I even comparing myself to these women?? How crazy is that that I could even consider being SLIGHTLY in their same league?’ which I’m not, of course but the fact that they are friends of mine is pretty awesome. And I also have to remember that I’ve worked hard and am so much further along than many other people and lots of people would love to have what I have. I think the key to staying grounded is constant gratitude, never taking what you have built for yourself granted for one second, which is so easy to do. Also I’ve been trying to get outside my own head and appreciate the talent and creativity that others’ possess and compliment them. I think sometimes bloggers get so used to having praise thrown at them that we come to feed on it and crave it and need it all the time. Like an addiction. And then you get down on yourself if you have a week or two where you don’t receive very much praise. But really being grateful and lifting others up is what I’m going to strive for, especially for the new year. It’s karma–do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I LOVE you Kim and your projects continually astound me. I knew when you were first starting out that your blog would be one I adored. xoxo
Hi Kim,
Boy oh boy… Did this hit home today for me. I am constantly ON, always trying to keep my home clean and ready because along with my blog, I am also a decorator and my studio is in our home. I feel that clients want my home to be perfect.
Thank you for sharing. I was listening!
Thanks for sharing what I’m certain that so many of us feel from time to time. I wish that I had more hours in the day, that I could afford not to have to work full time…etc. etc. but I know that I’m doing what’s right for me and I’ve discovered that the web is a HUGE place filled with all kinds of people. Everyone will find someone that they can relate to and whose style the enjoy.
xo, Kimberly
P.S. Don’t worry about the mopping…I’ve done it…it’s HIGHLY overrated!
I love this Kim! I really try to remember that what I see online is the “party house”. Like when you go to somebody’s house for a party and they are dressed cute, on their best behavior, have delicious food and the house is immaculate. That’s what blogs are. They aren’t really reality. Well maybe they is somebody that manages to keep things clean and cute all the time but not at my crazy house. Sometimes the only place to see my house clean is on my own blog. LOL.
Kim,
This post is why you are one of my absolute FAVORITE bloggers. You are incredibly talented and so very down to earth. And more importantly, you take the time to encourage your fellow bloggers and readers. What a wonderful blessing you are. Thank you and may God continue to bless and strengthen you!
D
Kim,
This post is why you are one of my absolute FAVORITE bloggers. You are incredibly talented and so very down to earth. And more importantly, you take the time to encourage your fellow bloggers and readers. What a wonderful blessing you are. Thank you and may God continue to bless and strengthen you!
D
This is a wonderful post, Kim. I’m sure you are only echoing what many of us feel, if we’ll only be honest with ourselves. Thank you for being so transparent. I think the lack of transparency (especially among women) is part of the problem – “Oh my! What would so-and-so think if she only knew???”.
Oh Kim this came at such a time for me!! I am grateful for your heart in sharing it!! Thank you for taking the time to share it with us!! ~ Lori
Tears are streaming and thats fine..Wise words from you and I will do my best to put them into action. if I fail in 1 moment, I have the next moment to try again.
I’m not sure why women are so hard on themselves or why women are so hard on each other. if a man does or doesnt do something, well, he’s just being a MAN. But if a woman does More or Less , we judge it.. I wish every woman would give the acceptance and kindness to other women that they give to men automatically..
I wish I could remember the blogger who posted a beautiful vignette and then a photo of a big old mess just a few feet from it. Then she told how none of us SEE anything but what we want seen and then assumed thats how it ALL was. Her showing , visually, that , that wasnt the case was a Beautiful Gift to all who saw it. I wish I could remember the blog name so I could go back and thank her, AGAIN.
This post comes as affirmation to our Alpha course that we all have different gifts and should not be envious of others gifts. We need be willing to share our gifts and encourage and lift others up as they use theirs. mopped only I am contemplating removing an area rug that is only about 6 months old,and I love it. I have piles of fibers under everything that looks like my dogs are shedding, if it came from them they would be bald.
Amen sister-friend!
I think you’re my new BFF! 😉
I just wrote a similar post a few days ago about how women should unite instead of compete. It’s hard not to compare but it can be very dangerous to our egos.
Amen to all that. Sometimes I get down in the mouth to think I am not talented, smart, or crafty enough. But I’m cute to have around. (: And I can keep my family fed. There’s a lot of something there!
Wonderful post, Kim ~ thanks so very, very much for sharing. I struggled with thoughts and feelings much like those you mention for such a long time…but then something wonderful happened…my life started to fall apart in ways I never imagined they would…in ways that were so very painful….that it put ‘things’ into perspective…and now most of the time {NOT all} ~ I just roll with things…and thank God for all the blessings I do have and for the wonderful friends I am making virtually and in real life and things are pretty good!
How absolutely perfect. Not only did you express the thoughts of many women, girls and bloggers, you did it eloquently and sincerely. Dana at CereusArt forwarded this link to me to read. The timing was perfect! We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others at one time or another. Getting discouraged is easy. Thank you for the gentle reminder that we do need to stick together and lift each other up! Thank you! -Laurie
Beautiful Kim and so timely. Thank you for sharing from your heart and putting into words what we all feel. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how many wonderful things come our way, it takes just one word, one “look”, one unkindness to negate it all. I love the concept of building each other up…so I say with you “girl power” in the blogosphere! Let’s stand together and not tear each other down. Heather
Excellent post..rings true as I rid my refrigerator of many a science project this morning(bleh)…we need to encourage each other and remember that comparison is the thief of joy!! Thanks for keeping it real and sharing your perfect imperfection with all of us!
Beautiful post… and thank you for baring your soul a little, my dear! It is very hard not to compare yourself to other women (on and off line). We need more positive encouragement among us. Thanks for sharing.
Kim,
For many years I’ve had the same thoughts about women (not) supporting women and through my career was witness to the lack of camaraderie and unkindness many times… Recently I was saddened to hear about a young girl, a recent college graduate-starting her first job out of school and being treated so rudely by two other younger employees that she is thinking about quitting. Saddened to hear the story of the female office manager as she walks past a scuff mark on the floor places a call to the female receptionist to come and clean it up. Why do we treat each other this way? You’re right we need some “Girl Power”.
Today I spent my lunch hour at Michaels buying material to make one of your Fall outdoor decorating projects. You have inspired me ! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart. I have noticed in the past year (because I’m usually pretty oblivious) the judging, competition etc…. and maybe it’s my age…..but I refuse to compete. REFUSE! I just don’t care. I love what I do and I love empowering, helping and giving a lift to women! I hate seeing the postering from a few out there and have decided it’s just plain sad. I’ve been snubbed at conferences and that has only allowed me to focus on positive people and realize it’s really just low self esteem on their part. YOU are very talented! And so are they……and guess what? It’s fine. I think one of the biggest mistakes that bloggers make, is focusing on other bloggers as their audience or what they’re doing……. Do no ever allow bloggers dictate what you do. There are millions of people out there reading our blogs that don’t blog. THEY are who you should focus on. There is enough talent for every single woman out there……who would inspire us if we were the most talented?
Hang in there, you’re perfect.
Good post Kim! My dad is an alcoholic who always “covered up” the disfunction in our family with a beautiful house, perfect/expensive furniture and all the trimmings. From an early age I learned that just because something looks good doesn’t mean it is. We’re all imperfect and messed up (and I mean that in the best way) and it’s okay. God gave me what I have for a reason, so I’ll take it. Thanks for putting yourself out there!! xo
Great post! As women, it seems all too easy to fall into the judgment, jealousy, comparison trap. As much as we want to, we can’t do it all and especially not at the same time. This was a great reminder today! Thanks so much for sharing!
Perfectly timed post Kim, I was just beating myself up looking at another blogger’s home tour. I don’t even have the same style as hers but it was so beautiful that I was feeling down on my home and my blog. Thank you for putting this out there…it seems a lot of us need to hear it.
Great post, Kim! You are not alone, and your honesty is precious. Thank you for sharing your heart. 🙂
xoxo
Kim~Thank you for such a wonderful reminder. We can’t and shouldn’t compare and compete. We will only be frustrated. Be happy for other’s successes and talents. I’m always reminding myself of that. Thank you for sharing! ~Linda
You have uplifted me today with your post, Kim. Sometimes I get bogged down because I don’t have the financial resources that some seem to have. But I just try to look around and see how I can make something better with what I have. We all need your reminder to be kind and uplifting to those who cross our paths. Your sincerity is much appreciated.
Great post Kim! Thanks for vocalizing what many of us think.
Great post Kim! I think we’ve all been in that spot you are talking about! I know I find myself there more times than I would like to admit! This post is a great reminder for all of us! Thanks for sharing your heart!
Amen! It’s so hard to feel/be confident in what we are doing when I feel like my blog stuff is not as good as anyone else. But my readers tell me that they love how REAL I am and that’s what makes me ME! And being ME is a heck of a lot easier than trying to be like someone else! GREAT post! We all think it and glad you said it!
Wonderful post Kim! And a great reminder to us all. I really appreciate you writing this, and I can see I’m not the only one. It looks like you have certainly touched a lot of people with your words! Thanks for sharing!
Amen and amen! It takes courage to speak out and exhort. I’m proud of you.
fabulous post!!! i found this post through pinterest and had to come read and comment and say a big fat amen! i feel the same way- i am that girl who tells pregnant ladies all over they look cute because i know they might not feel it and it might make a difference. i am always trying to find some words of encouragement because i know how much it sucks to be discouraged and alone and no one should ever feel like this in a world full of women. and my kitchen floor only gets mopped if a kid spilled something on it, and probably after i yelled at them for it, and probably while i was on pinterest instead of paying attention!!! we are not perfect and we all have our faults, but we need to stick together. 🙂
Kim,
I am so overwhelmed by this. Not just by the post….but that you wrote it from your heart. One of my favorite sayings is “Don’t let comparison steal your joy.” Some days I never think about comparison and then there are days when I repeat it over and over and over again.
Just to remind myself.
To remind myself that we are all wonderful and special and unique and made for a special purpose.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
blessings,
karianne
Well said Kim – thank you. Oh, and don’t worry about your floors – it is just a waste of time! I spent forever this weekend vacuuming and mopping (okay, I only mopped the kitchen). Within two hours it was dirty again. I am done now for a bit!
What a fabulous post Kim!! Thank you for sharing it with us all!
Thanks for the reminder that we are all blessed and that comparing really is the stealer of joy. 🙂
Oh Kim. This is perfect. I have a confession…if I had known the ups and downs that go along with blogging I don’t think I would have ever started. There have been many times I have, secretly, wondered if I shouldn’t just go back to my “old life.” When I actually had spare time, I wasn’t ALWAYS behind on everything, when I had a life. I have so much of myself invested in my blog that I can’t imagine not doing it. It has become sort of my identity. So when I compare myself to other bloggers, wish I had more page views, dream about being in a magazine, I am comparing not just my blog, but myself. I am working on turning this all around but it’s hard. I have been making a huge effort to “pay it forward.” I’ve been sharing on Google+, pinning every blog I visit, posting on FB, commenting on blogs when I have time. I’m trying so hard to not concentrate just on myself.
This post was timely, well written and thought provoking. Thank you so much. You know I adore you and your blog…have a wonderful rest of the week.
I’m sure this will go over like a lead balloon but… instead of writing an interesting post about how your floor hasn’t been mopped for a year, why not… mop the floor? I just don’t understand.
Very well said. Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone.
Oh, I needed to read this! Thank you so much! I too struggle with not being able to get it all done and I just assume that everybody else has it all together, especially when it sometimes really appears that they do. And I haven’t mopped my floor in a year either! It’s so tough with work and kids and not much extra money at the end of the month and not much extra energy at the end of the day. Thank you for such a wonderful post!
Such a great post! I really needed to hear that I’m not alone in not being the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, sister, daughter, blogger, etc…. You rock!
Leslie
houseontheway@gmail.com
Thank you for the reminder… We should read this entry every day! Grateful for you putting this out there for all of us!
Sending you….love, peace and girl power! You are a Rock Star!
Beautiful post, thank you! I always try to show a “real” picture of all the crap that was moved to take the “blog” picture so no one gets discouraged. It’s easy to compare but we as woman need to stick together. Thank you for writing this.
XO
Kristin
Awesome post Kim. Every woman reading this post has thought those same feelings I guarantee it. It’s hard, a sinful world, and women can just be downright vicious sometimes! Men don’t do the petty stuff women do, why is that?? Haha.
Thanks for opening up your heart–it’s a beautiful one. 🙂
Such wonderful, timely words, Kim. I’ve felt lately at a crossroads with my blogging for that very reason… and that looming question: what do I have to offer? Trying to stay focused on the joy it brings me and not worry about all the rest. 🙂
Thanks for sharing!
xo Heidi
PS — I have no idea what I’m feeding my peeps tonight either; my kitchen is a mess, and I have company coming tomorrow. Feel better? 😉
What a beautiful message and reminder!
This is wonderful! I had posted something similar today and was told to check out your post. This is so much better said…wonderful!
Sorry I deleted my comment. It just sounded really pathetic and whiny after I published it. I agree, we all need to support one another and cheer each other on instead of being envious of others’ success. Great post!
I’m considering getting a darker floor for the kitchen to hide the constant dirt that accumulates in the indentations of my light floor. It never looks clean even when I do mop!! Thanks Kim for your insights and honesty!!
Laura